There is nothing like family to provoke a great lack of intestinal fortitude.

Or maybe it’s just the cramps.

Either way it’s becoming clear that grandma can’t take care of herself and needs full time care. My uncle doesn’t want her put into a “home” because he promised her they never would… (I’d like to know if that was before or after the time he suggested it while she was eves dropping on the phone conversation and wouldn’t speak to him for two days… then she forgot…)

My aunt wants her put into a “home” because her husband doesn’t allow her to do things with other people on weekends. This includes seeing friends, visiting family, or caring for her mother.

My mother lives down here, and is afraid that if she moves up there, she’ll will be the only one taking care of grandma. Which is probably true.

Meanwhile, this weekend, no one checked up on grandma, and (to the best of my understanding) grandma’s version of events involves things like:

1) the person who comes on weekdays didn’t show up on Friday, and hid her medication, so she just took whatever she could find,

2) She and “Daddy” (that would be my grandfather who died 4 years ago) have to move out of the trailer, so she started to pack, and

3) Something is wrong with the stove.

The woman who comes during the week WAS there on Friday, her medication was exactly where it was supposed to be in the medicine cabinet, no one knows what grandma took over the weekend, the house is a disaster because she spent the weekend trying to pack to move, and the stove works fine, but the house reeks because she burnt something/lit something on fire.

So grandma is now taking mystery pills, and can no longer routinely use a stove.

That’s pretty damn scary.

To be rather self-centered about the situation though, the minerals are helping, I don’t feel any catatonic dispair about the whole thing. I am concerned and a tad stressed, but not depressed.

So, while we haven’t heard back about the Pyroluria test yet, I think I know what the result is going to be… Within 15 minutes of taking 1 dose of zinc and B6 I started to feel better. After three days, I feel like I can cope with leaving the house again.

I don’t feel trapped, or hidden, or locked away.

It’s amazing.

No amount of vitamins should have that much effect on your life.

On the other hand, I’m glad it’s just vitamins and minerals I need.

Too damn amazing.

It feels like there hasn’t been anything positive in life in weeks. Everything just seems to be negative, another pile of shit to deal with. I’m disillusioned with government, the American public, the justice system, corporate america, and the value of education. I feel afraid and unsafe no matter where I go, or what I do. I feel like some inner part of me has been screaming for help for days, but no one is there… primarily because I can’t open myself enough to let them in right now. Anything closer than online communication is almost too horrifying to contemplate.

Oh. And I started my period.

And the worst part? I really don’t know how much is hormones and how much is life.

Which means to deal with anyone and talk about this is a mistake. Some will brush it off ALL as hormones, making me feel like my feelings are negated and don’t count. Others will take what turns out to be hormonal ranting far too seriously, and I’ll have alarmed people for nothing.

Grrrr!

Marvel can really go fuck themselves.

I dropped hundreds if not thousands of dollars on Marvel comics back when I collected. As did my friends. How can they possibly say that this is hurting their sales, and that we, their readers, don’t deserve to get to play as those characters? I mean, I find blatant character rip off to be uncreative, but still, I understand it.

At least DC has had the class not to go there…

Something, apparently, has happened to the local cell phone tower, and I have no coverage here. None. So apparently I won’t be making any phone calls.

Which is sad, because I could really use the chance to talk to someone right now.

Tyrone Guller, the best English teacher I have EVER had, passed away earlier this week. I haven’t seen him in years, but Ici’s post about Recreational Academia made me think about courses I have adored, but knew weren’t going to be my life’s work. And of course his English courses were top of the list. (Come to think about it, I think English and Architecture might be the only two things I liked in school but didn’t major in. But I digress. Which is apt. Mr. Guller digressed too. But his digressions were interesting.)

That was this morning. And tonight I found out he’s gone.

It’s not a tragedy I suppose, but the world was definitely a better place with him in it.