But then the sun went down and I got cold. Hopefully we’ll make it inside eventually.

Mood : cold Music : obnoxious asshole on harley.

So this morning I sort of snapped.

Yesterday I worked my fucking ass off and ended up staying late. This whole week has been insane here at work, and next week isn’t looking much better. My favourite thing about my job is that it doesn’t get like this too often.

So when it got like this, and the money disaster came tumbling in to boot, I crossed into the realm of the uber-stressed, and have wavered back and forth between depression, hysterical crying, and insane fury ever since. (Oddly enough, I’ve been able to keep all three of these in check at work without making any concious effort on my part. I suppose this means my girlfriend is continuing to rub off on me. For once I am glad.)

By afternoon yesterday I was stuck in rage. In the lab I was imagining faces for the machines and software so I could imagine throttling them. By virtue of their presence, (and nothing else, these people had done NOTHING to me) my officemates had made it to the gruesome death list. By the time I hit my commute I was determined to borrow my girlfriend’s gun and head straight for the range. It was that or I was afraid I’d start trying to run over the neighborhood kids and pets for entertainment.

But when I got home the possessor of the fire arm wasn’t present, and I don’t remember where she hid the key to the gun case.

I wandered into the newly immaculate middle bedroom and looked around, trying to figure out what to do next. The pug, who is expressly forbidden to be in this room (he likes to pee in it when we’re not home) followed me in. I spanked him so hard he tripped and did a header.

At which point I realized I might be about to seriously cross a line.

I pulled up a chair, cleaned off the old alter, lit a candle and some incense and just sat there staring at the smoke and flame. It wasn’t a ritual. There were no prayers, no invocations. It was just some time spent doing a reassessment.

The first thing I decided was that my plans of figuring out just how seriously fucked I was on this next paycheck could wait 24 hours. My entire evening was instead devoted to playing Sam and Max: Reality 2.0 (excellent game, though I still think Sam and Max: Abe Lincoln Must Die was funnier.) I watched South Park. I stayed up 15 minutes past my bedtime to finish my game.

In the morning I ignored both my alarms and instead got up when my girlfriend’s went off. I dicked around until she left, made myself breakfast, and went back to bed. Woke up feeling horny, an amazing thing since my sex drive apparently died about 10 months ago. Proved I can still show myself a good time, then dozed in and out of sleep while lying in the sun. Around 9:30 I finally got up and got dressed. Stopped by the desktop PC to update the music on my PSP. Scrounged up enough change to buy an egg salad sandwich at Togo’s. Drove to Alameda, skipped the office, went straight to lunch. Rolled into work around noon.

When my boss asked what happened, I looked him straight in the eyes and told him a morning appointment ran far longer than I expected.

It’s true. Getting yourself off properly can take a while.

It’s nice to sort of feel human again.

Mood : chipper Music : Twiggy Twiggy vs James Bond – Pizzicato Five

Why are you quitting World of Warcraft?

Other

Hmm… Can you be more specific?

Personal Reasons

Please feel free to give additional reasons or comments here:

Due to car trouble, I am broke until my next pay check. Said pay check doesn’t arrive until April 13th. You’re scheduled to bill my account on April 10th. My bank, being the greedy, scum-sucking, fee-assessing bottom feeders from hell that they are will happily send my account into overdraw to pay my monthly fee. They will then charge me $30 for the pleasure of paying said fee, plus an additional $7 a day until I have a positive balance. I’d rather have 3 days of no account.

Mood : annoyed Music : none Tv : none