Archive for the Category ◊ dreams ◊

Author: VSC
• Thursday, July 15th, 2010

No really, I have a diagnosis and everything. (Several, actually) My most recent diagnosis is Mood Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified). (I was once told that NOS is a polite euphamism for GOK, which stands for God Only Knows.)

In my case, Mood Disorder NOS is also an euphamism for it’d-be-bipolar-if-you-didn’t-cycle-through-the-emotions-so-damn-fast, thus proving I can’t even manage to have a normal mood disorder.

I mention all this because I suspect I’m on the verge of my next diagnosis: an anxiety disorder. It’s gotten so bad I have to take Klonopin (kind of like a concentrated form of Valium) before I go to bed so I can sleep.  When I don’t take the Klonopin, I sleep lightly, wake very easily, and my sleep is punctuated with weird stress dreams.

And here’s the really fucked up part: lately my stress dreams have been about trying to get an iPad. Seriously. I know I want one and all, but that’s just pathetic.

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Author: VSC
• Monday, January 21st, 2008

Lisa suggested I should put a blog entry with each item I listed in my last post as a title and a couple of snarky comments for each. This seems like a good idea, except for the part where I came down diseased. Now I remember why I quit spending as much time in the hot tub at the Cat Ranch. Every time I go into their hot tub, I get sick the next day. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with their hot tub. I’m pretty sure it’s because I stay in it far too long. (Think 2+ hours.)

Anyway, I’ve spent my day having 15 minute moments where the cold medication briefly fixes everything and I feel fine. In those moments I have delusions of getting my ass back to the LAN party which is where I’m supposed to be. And then the ability to breathe fades, and I spend the next 3 hours & 45 minutes laying around moaning, moping, and mentally cursing the manufacturers of the assorted cold remedies I’ve been taking. Each time I end up switching to a different drug in the hopes that one of them might work, but the reality is they all work about equally well.

There was a point to all this…

Oh. Right. Blog entries.

So anyway, cold medication doesn’t really do as much as you might think to increase general snarkiness. At least not in any creative, amusing way. So hopefully I’ll get back to those later.

And I should go to bed. But I don’t want to. Every nap today involved dreams about my car brakes locking up and the car skidding, or them just not working well enough. Either way I keep hitting the car or cars in front of me. They’re never bad accidents, but the dreams are just stressful. Stupid sick dreams.

Category: dreams, health, LAN  | Leave a Comment
Author: VSC
• Sunday, September 09th, 2007

Yesterday the combination of three days of no real food and the start of my period resulted in a catastrophic meltdown. My girlfriend found me in the kitchen sobbing and laughing hysterically, completely unable to stop. She was very sweet about it, and gave me a hug, fed me lunch, and put me down for a nap. Some days you just need to be babied.

Today I woke up feeling great. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far it hasn’t. I actually feel good. You have no idea how odd that is. *I* had no idea how odd it was until I realized it was happening. I don’t think I realized how crappy I felt before.

Oh, and I found unsweetened Scharfenberger cocoa powder, which I am allowed to add to my shakes as it meets the criteria of sugar free, caffiene free, and fewer than X calories per serving. It was expensive, but god was it worth it. Really amazing chocolate flavor is exactly what their chocolate shakes needed.

I do hope the stress dreams about eating food I’m not supposed to end soon. Those are a little weird.

Author: VSC
• Sunday, February 18th, 2007
I’m not actually hungover… At least not from the stand point of having had too much to drink. I had one shot that I choked down, followed by Corrigan offering me a sip of his drink, which contained gin. Now I used to have a healthy appreciation for gin until the last LAN party at the Cat Ranch, where the last thing I had to drink before passing out in the hall was at least 2 shots of gin. As I recall I pretty much finished the bottle, and the bottle pretty much finished me.

So one whiff of the gin last night made my stomach give a mighty heave, and I went running out the front door, to wait and see if I chucked.

Fortunately, I held everything down, and that was the end of my alcohol concumption for the night. It also cut way down on carcinogen intake.

So the only reason I can figure I feel like this is the fact that my sleep/awake schedule has been completely reversed over two days. Honestly, it hurts to be alive right now.

On the plus side though, my hair is blue, my PSP is blue, I finally found a game at the LAN party that I don’t totally suck at, (not that that was the key to LAN party happiness, but it’s novel to not come in last for once, especially in a deathmatch) and there’s still two days of LAN bliss left.

On the minus side, the left half of my head would probably feel better if someone blew it off with a shot gun. I mean, the process would hurt, but once half your brain has been removed, you’d be dead, and I imagine it’s hard to feel pain when you’re dead.

Oh yeah, last night was punctuated about these weird dreams about my boss informing me that we were going to have to move to the corporate headquarters after all, and that I was not allowed to have blue hair there. I pointed out that this was hardly fair, I asked to make sure there was no reason there would be a problem with my hair being this color.

Long story short (too late!), the entire dream was about my boss and I basically being annoyed with one another. Mostly I was annoyed at him because he was annoyed with me, and being a bit totalitarian about decisions that he’d normally at least let me have some input on.

When I woke up, it took a while to realize that it’d been a dream, as parts of it were based in reality. I had asked my boss if there was any reason it would be a problem if I dyed my hair blue. (One of my co-workers felt obligated to dye over her cotton candy pink before a conference. I just wanted to make sure nothing was coming up where I needed to be presentable.) The lab that I ended up moving to in the dream was based on the real local headquarters that the lab will eventually be moving over to. The things we discussed involved real projects that I’m working on. The weird part was the degree of unhappiness and irritation between us. Usually we get along quite well. I’m not entirely sure what to make of this dream.

So maybe I’ll just take some tylenol and go back to bed for a while.

Mood : in pain. It overshadows most everything else. Music : dear god, nothing loud Tv : Again, silence please…

Category: dreams, health, LAN, work  | Leave a Comment
Author: VSC
• Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

No, really. Because the vivid stress dreams have no meaning what so ever.

Admittedly though, this one was a bit over the top.

I don’t remember all of it now, but the general idea was that grandma, while crazy in the dream, was, on some level, aware that she needed full time care. But since all her children were panicking about putting her some place that could provide her with that (IE, a “home”), she decided that she’d have to do something so over the top that they’d have to do something. So she killed someone.

But that doesn’t even begin to cover it. She didn’t just kill someone, she grabbed a guy off the street, dragged him into the shop/house that we were staying in, and literally ripped his throat out with her teeth. We found her giggling, covered in blood. My mother was understandably upset. I think this pissed Grandma off. I think she may have rushed at my mother, but I can’t remember for sure. I do remember the last bit before I woke up though… Monacita and I were supposed to be staying in separate rooms for some reason. It was late, and I was getting ready for bed. Monacita came over and knocked on my door. I let her in and we bolted the door shut. I remember we were hearing sounds from the hall. In the dream I believed that as long as Grandma kept some sense of sanity we were safe… But it was still horrifying. Monacita and I curled up in bed holding each other. It was a surreal moment… I heard sounds in the hall that I was pretty sure was Grandma doing a repeat performance on someone (perhaps my mother), and I was terrified, but as we curled up together, and got more into our little world, the sounds faded, and I felt warm and safe.

From a relationship stand point, that dream is pretty damn awesome.

From a family stand point, Thursday may sort of suck.

The idea of Grandma ripping some guy’s throat out with her teeth was kind of funny though.

Did I mention that the whole dream, while stressful, did have a certain black comedy aspect to it?

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